Friday, December 15, 2017

Delhi promised

: Speak to me of civil war, I told Delhi.
: I will, she said.
: Speak to me of blood on the streets, I told Delhi.
: I will, she said.
: And if there is blood on these streets - I asked the city - do you promise that he'll be the first to go - that man with the fat folds under his neck?
: Promise!!!

The green of her eyes

The clue to everything a man should love and fear in her was there, right from the start, in the ironic smile that primed and swelled the archery of her full lips. There was pride in that smile, and confidence in the set of her fine nose. Without understanding why, I knew beyond question that a lot of people wound mistake her pride for arrogance, and confuse her confidence with impassivity. I didn't make that mistake. My eyes were lost, swimming, floating free in the shimmering lagoon of her steady, even stare. Her eyes were large and spectacularly green. It was the green that trees are, in vivid dreams. It was the green that the sea would be... if the sea were perfect!!!

In finding beauty

Do not laugh at me over what I call beautiful. Do not judge the things in which I find beauty. 
I find beauty in nothingness.
I find beauty in what you call a gloomy day. 
I find beauty in unanswered love, in failed love, in the final goodbye after the first night together and in never even knowing her name. 
I find beauty in rubble, in the scars on her body, in her damaged soul and in the ruins of her past. 
I find beauty in his failures, in his daily struggles, in his torn clothes, in his untimely grayed hair and in the wrinkles on his young forehead.
This beauty is not normal. And in return, normal is never beautiful.
Do not laugh at me if I can only write a sad song.
This beauty is not happiness, it is inspiration. This beauty is not satisfaction, it is mental stimulation.
This is not pleasure I'm talking about. This is beauty...

no title

I have happily given up my momentary flirtations with the art world, with the literary world. 
Who talks about art or literature these days? 
It's embarrassing, like talking about spirituality. There are some things we don't do, that should be left behind in the 1960's, left in reprints of Herbert read, in the hands of scientists who wax lyrical about the artistic element in chaos, in office workers wanting something more, in people going back to the art school after years in the lawn mowing business, left with people it might mean something to as part of a deep personal commitment thing, of how they position a great beyond to the exigencies of daily pain and personal tragedy and misery. 
I want no part of that... 
I'm nestled safe in the coarse blanket of societal norms and people's expectations. I think I'll be happy!!!

When at powercut

Power cut!!! And when at 4am your ac and fan suddenly go dead, you wake up in Thar in summer solstice. My British friend is sleeping in the other room, probably all sweaty. Now I feel unnecessarily guilty as well, dayum. My neighbour texts me from the opposite apartment. "Kya karen?"...
So the demographic of my whole apartment building is like 5 single ladies, one ancient couple (very old, I mean) and their equally old servants, one invisible doctor family and an ever changing group of hipsters! So basically, I'm the man of the building. Or so I like to think.
Now when a lady texts you "Kya karen" at this panic situation, you need to understand it's your cue to get into action. Well this lady is a true blue pedigree Delhiite. And they're not used to power cuts. And if it happens, there better be a good reason and it better be settled fast.
Now from where I am, power cuts are routine. I'm used to a different culture. In Dibrugarh, if electricity goes, nobody questions. They just wait for an hour. And like clockwork, power does resume after an hour. Almost every house has an inverter nowadays.
I open my windows and the thumping of these rich people's gensets reach my bedroom. Delhi likes everything loud. From their Enfields with customised 'silencer' pipes, their make up and now even their electricity back-ups!
My neighbour texts again. "This is not done".
So I get up from bed, make a call to #BSES customer care and lodge a complain.
I am informed that the whole of Hauz Khas and Green Park is suffering a black out. And by the time I finish writing probably it'll be back..................
Nope....
Still nope.... No sign of it!
Well, maybe by the time I post it, electricity will be back. And so if you live in this 'posh' area and suffering from this black out, 9Gag and chill for a while and it'll be back...
I'll just take my dog out for a walk!!!

My nightmares

When your nightmares come to life
When they're worse than what you dared never dream
How many falls will one take
Before his hands tire of brushing off the dust off his pants
Before his bruised knees can't take any more
Before his legs fail his weight
Why does his lantern not meet an object to shine upon
Why is the right thing to do also the hardest thing to do
What holds
What gives
What is the answer???

My tryst with INS Viraat

This is about a morning many summers back, when I was a young gentleman cadet in this elite academy, perched atop a hillock in the picturesque Goa, wrapped on its three sides by the beautiful river Mandovi. 
We were a small privileged batch of selected 14 who were chronically sleep deprived. Our mornings started at 0500 hours with morning muster and PT. 
That day, around 0830 hours, as we were marching towards our classroom after a heavy 3 course breakfast, we were told that the day’s classes were canceled and we had to go on a field trip. We boarded a bus and the moment the wheels set in motion, half of us, including yours truly, had dozed off.
I woke up to the stirred up smells of iron, rust, paint and the smoke of heavy fuel oil that’s quintessential to sea ports.
We got down, walked for a few minutes, and stood in formation in front of something. Facing me was a large Grey wall whose ends on my left and right, I could not see. It was much taller than a multi-storied building and its walls were chock-a-block with pipes of various dimensions. I could see window like openings from where men appeared to be busy at work.
Our guide, a lieutenant, pointed at the wall and told us, “Gentlemen, this here, in front of you, is India’s biggest ship, Aircraft Carrier INS Viraat.”
That was my first tryst with the then, and emotionally now, pride of the Indian Navy. We were lucky that INS Viraat had just docked in Goa, and we were the chosen batch, to the utter envy of our seniors who haven’t had the opportunity yet.
The memory of the next 3 hours on board the monumentally majestic INS Viraat will always remain deeply etched in my mind.
Today, INS Viraat formally gets decommissioned from the Indian Navy.
May your glory live long! Adieu, you mighty one!!!

Let me bleed words, again...

They say that writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. They say that there’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. And they say that all writers are lunatics.
Then why do I write? I'm not that true Alchemist that doesn't change lead into gold but rather changes the world into words.
But there's a swarming growth of voices on my doorstep. That long overdue solitude is here, and it's finally creaking open the door for these voices and they're sliding in. They are getting louder, getting bigger and stronger: into cold dark amorphous forms, into screams and shrieks in my head.
And all they want is to see me bleed into words...

Flag in Flood

Back in the late '90s when I was a kid, my dad once woke me up from my sleep, carried me in his arms to the balcony and said he’d show me a sight I would never forget. It was past midnight and all I could see was the night sky getting lit with incessant rains accompanied by lightning and thunder like the Olympic fireworks. He directed my gaze towards the ground, towards the bottom of the two flights of steps of our government dak bungalow. I could see that the bottom two steps were already submerged in water. Our domestic help, Mamai, a robust and muscular young man took out our Ambassador from the garage underneath our bungalow and drove out into the darkness to park it somewhere safe. 
My mom and I had come visiting dad in his workplace in the beautiful river island of Majuli this summer vacation and this was going to be my first experience of a full-scale flood.
I woke up in the morning to a sight I’d indeed never forget. Everything around was submerged in water. About 15 of the 20 steps that led to our bungalow were under water. And on the railings of the steps, there were a thousand different varieties of insects, of all color and size, some shiny and some like made of glass, all piled up like bags of colorful crystal.
Every bungalow had a boat and when I asked Ma about it, I was told that dad had left for the hospital in it with Mamai quite early as he knew he’d have a busy day with this sudden flood. To my relief, Mamai came back later with a raft made of banana plant trunks specially made for me.
Sadly, not everybody lives in bungalows that shelter them from the flood. Overnight, your house, all your life’s belongings, your dearest treasure, everything gets washed away by the unforgiving Brahmaputra and its tributaries. As if this wasn’t enough misery, slowly all water-borne diseases and diseases from dead cattle and animals grip your tired body and drag you down.
As we celebrate India’s Independence all over the rest of India by flying kites, getting drunk on its eve, thronging to the nearest Big Bazaar or posting happy Independence Day updates on social media, more than 20 lakh people’s lives have been affected in Assam due to this ongoing flood. And the worst is still yet to come!!!
This is an annual occurrence now but still no machinery is in place. It takes a hundred dead bodies to draw attention of The Center. The Center has yet again failed its people, in more levels than one.
The Center has failed Kashmir and look at it now.
Where would you hoist your flag amidst all the ruins and blood in Kashmir? Where would you hoist your flag when all the land is submerged in flood in Assam? In your hearts, yes, but for how long???
Anyway, Happy Independence Day!!!

The Working Women


The working woman I.
She knows a man’s erection when she feels one; pushed and prodded against her back with frotteuristic intentions. At 30 she’s already been married, and divorced. And now, her plans for the future have already been halved, compared to women her age, whose half of the dreams comprise a caring husband and lovely children. ‘I just want to travel the world’, she tells people who care to ask. It’s Monday morning rush hour and all the metros going towards HUDA city center are packed with corporate zombies dressed in crisp and clean clothes laundered over the weekend. She’s placed herself as close to the door as possible, but this hasn’t thwarted some men in the compartment from trying to make an ‘accidental’ contact with her body. She clutched at the strap of her bag, not because she feared someone would rob her, but rather seeking succor among all the hefty men around heavily breathing down on her. Her hair was still wet at the tips and they left wet patches on her top. The strap of her bag was pulling down on her top at the shoulder revealing her bra-strap. She hastily fixed it. She’s expecting her periods anytime soon, and she’s hating the weight around her lower abdomen. These days, she does not like the way she looks when she stares at her naked body in the mirror. I look at her from a couple of feet across the compartment. Her scattered gray strands and the dark circles around her eyes are becoming more visible. And in all this, she does not feel beautiful. But she is… she is beautiful, the Monday kind of way…
The working woman II.
Her father came home to drop a pile of clothes to be laundered. After asking her to sort the white clothes from the colored, he left to collect another pile from another neighborhood. Sitting down on the floor of her six feet by ten feet shanty in the slum, she started fishing through the clothes and checking their pockets. There are some beautiful dresses which she knows for sure belonged to that beautiful ‘model-type’ lady from 43, Green Park. Among these beautiful dresses is a particular one in dark red that catches her attention. It is a backless short dress with a lace hemline. She has a couple of hours before her father returns. A sudden impulsive urge emerges in her to try this dress on herself. She is also expecting her lover to visit her anytime now. While putting on the dress she wonders what kind of bra girls wore with this kind of dresses without a back. And as for her, she never wears one as she does not have breasts good enough for a brassiere. There is only a small handheld mirror which she tries from various angles to look at herself, a foot of her body at a time. The dress hangs a little loose on her frail body and flat chest. I was keeping an eye on her shanty from afar and after I have waited for five minutes after I saw her father leave on his squeaking bicycle, I make way to her. She is startled when I suddenly enter, like someone getting caught committing some minor wrongdoing. I instantly understand what she is up to and walk close to her. The dress still smells good; like those drunk ladies with heavy makeup in HKV who buy cigarettes from me after their parties are over, clinging on to the muscular arms of their gym-going partners who they call ‘baby’. I always wanted to ram my penis into the fat behinds of these women. And like the next natural thing to do, with eyes closed, I start to wet my beak into the woman I have at hand, with the left-over perfume on the dress helping me imagine those ladies. I finish earlier than usual, but before I could completely end my act she pushes me away with a jolt. Apparently, I dropped a few on her dress. With sudden onset guilt she takes off the dress and starts putting on her own clothes. Slowly pulling my pants up, I look at her from the other end of the room. She stands in a stark variance from those women I’d just imagined. Her hair is dry and browned by the sun. Her bobbled leggings do not hug her skinny thighs and even from outside the kurti she’s put on, one can make out her shoulder bones. And in all this, she does not feel beautiful. But she is… she is beautiful, the Tuesday kind of way…
The working woman III.
Through the gaps in the leaves, her friend tries to look for any police patrol car. When she made sure, there aren’t any, she comes out of the dark onto the pavement. You have to be good at juggling three things at once in this line of work: keeping an eye out for cops, keeping an eye out of potential customers and staging yourself at the measured spot between light and darkness, correctly distanced from societal integrities. It’s her second year in India and when the Fulani herdsmen killed her parents in her south Nigerian village two years back, she had little option but to take up a ‘job’ in India: catering to the carnal appetite of Indian men. She wanted to provide for her little brother, her only family left, with all that he deserved. A few military men of her country had raped her when she was just 14, which went on to be her first sexual encounter. And in all these years after that, there wasn’t much left for her to be surprised about the intentions of man which he so well perennially masks. She runs her hand over her abdomen, sucks it in, corrects her posture to highlight the enormity of her breasts and looks towards her far left. It is ladies-night tonight at Summer House Café and girls are thronging to that place. And like dogs in mating season, men lie in wait in the vicinity with big cars and gelled hair trying to get entry. It would be a lucky day for her if she gets a customer from among them; they who usually prefer white girls. She has spotted two guys loitering around and now she’s made eye contact with them. With a nod of her head she beckons out to them. Exchanging prods and nudges they near her. They settle for two thousand rupees for a couple of hours. Sitting in my auto, I’m witnessing the whole affair from a distance. One of the men signals out to me as I approach them. To Malviya Nagar, they tell me. She is sitting in the middle of the two men and as soon as my auto enters a dark lane, the two men begin feeding their ravenous inner beasts. In between these dark and light spots of the journey, in my rearview mirror, I could see the outlines of her lipstick slowly fading into her dark skin; her wig slowly revealing her actual hairline and the kohl on her big black eyes comet-tailing on a side from the violent stroke of one of the man’s hand. Our eyes meet once in the mirror. In this brief pause we exchange an understanding; added with a certain helplessness from her side and a certain apology from mine. And in all this, she does not feel beautiful. But she is… she is beautiful, the Wednesday kind of way…
(For those women of south Delhi they don't write about)

Friday, March 11, 2016

The voicemail

It was 2am and he logged out of his computer after having paid his wife's telephone rental. Missing her, he dialed her number and intently listened to her pre-recorded voice which directed him to leave a message after the beep. He smiled, voiced a faint goodnight and hung up. It’s been four years, but not one day has passed when he hadn't wished her goodnight. Four years since her death…

The hungry kite-runner

And she looked at the rain water in front of her shack. Had it rained for an hour more, the water would have flooded right in. Her 6 year old son lay behind her on what was their bed, mumbling something. In his hand was a magazine cutout of some sports car. He was hungry but he’s learnt now how to gulp down hunger with water.

She shifted her gaze to the old and rusting white Amulspray tins where she keeps her wheat flour and lentils; they were empty.

Sitting in her haunches she resumed staring at the world outside her plastic shack when suddenly she caught sight of a kite, broken loose and now drifting with the wind. She immediately called out to her son, who made a startling dash after the kite and was out of sight in seconds.

She resumed in her position, wishing that her son was able to get hold of the kite. She wished that her son got busy playing with the kite all day and forgot his hunger. Like yesterday, when he got busy catching tadpoles in half cut coconut shells, thinking he was catching baby-fishes. She wished he didn’t return before late evening when her husband arrives. She wished her husband came home sober. She wished her husband didn’t waste all his daily earnings on alcohol and bought some food instead. She wished she could work. She looked at her legs. She wished she could walk.

My, this useless heart

My world is a broken bone that didn’t set right, it is a million pieces of crystal clumsily glued together.

I am nothing more than the consequence of upheaval.

I am without a door, a window. Maybe it’s snowing outside, raining maybe.


Maybe it’s freezing, hailing, a tempest slipping into a tornado. Maybe the ground is quaking, sliding apart to make room for my mistakes.

I am a hundred degrees below zero in my veins.

I am the withered leaf that never fell, never met its fate; yet is dead.

I am the inevitability of the perverse manipulations of the earth.

I am claustrophobia in my throat. My body a frail definition of structure, a habitat of the stigmata of the wars I lost.

I am a severed mind I can’t talk to.

And yet this heart of mine is a hopeless part of me clinging on to hope, defying everything I stand for, battling to kindle the fire I doused long ago… My, this useless heart!!!

The Air-hostess

And while the girls her age tittle-tattled about the men she must have slept with, the younger ones from the neighborhood just forgot to breathe as she walked past them. For these little girls she was the quintessence of grace and beauty. And for the mothers; they were plain happy that their daughters, unlike her, were learning things at the kitchen and will someday be married off to good suitors. I was one of these little ones and never failed to notice the change in her perfume whenever she strolled past. She was never in a hurry. The girls talked about her block heels, her neatly wrapped sari and her mascara. But for me her smell was all that mattered.

I talk of the time, decades back, when the Indian sky was dominated by Indian Airlines alone. She was a flight attendant and reception to whose being was still prejudiced by society. She was a fatherless child and the only support to her aging mother.

Upon a chance meeting at the local grocery this time when I went home, I spared few moments, potato in hand, staring at her across the vegetables as she wordlessly filled her basket with capsicum. The hanging incandescent light bulbs all conspired to make her look serene. And her downward gaze conspired to hide her grief. She was a Hindu and though I strained my eye, I could not see a vermilion mark on her forehead. She has aged. Elegantly. But she was lifeless. Society took her life, long time back...

The Vagabond

Every once in a while a visible shiver ran the entire length of his fragile body. His frayed trousers and threadbare shirt were barely resistance against the cold and foggy Delhi winter morning. Sitting hunched with legs apposed and only his forearms and hands moving, he did portray a wretched form. He took sluggish tiny crumbs of his chole bhature with his greasy right hand while his left hand held on to a green chilly from which he broke a fragment after every morsel to chew on for flavour. His eyes were fixed in a mid-distant gaze looking at nothing; happy about nothing and yet I felt, truly worried about nothing. It was like he had all the time in the world or maybe he wasn’t in a hurry to finish his dear meal. Like I could do it all day, I stood there watching him even after I paid for my take away. A while later, I left. In my hand was my breakfast and possibly the man’s only meal for the day...

The Untold Story

I toss and turn in my bed, but she won’t let me sleep.

It’s long past midnight. A couple of hours later, the pressure cooker whistle will blow in the kitchen of the south Indian family below my floor. That’s my telling symptom for the dawn because birds don’t chirp here in central Delhi.

The day’s wear pulls my eyelids down. My mind pulls down the blinds to keep out rays from the wonderland. But she has a master key to my mind’s mansion. And she won’t let me sleep... She won’t let me sleep until I’m done telling the world her story.

Just like an amateur painter cannot justify the beauty and love of a mother in his portrait, I tell her, I’m not mature enough in my words to tell the world her story with the splendour it deserves. She tells me her tale is all but beautiful. I reply maybe not her life’s chronicle, but the stories that her moist eyes told every time she hoped her life would get better, they are stories mankind should absorb...

I ask for more time. A few years more down the line and then maybe I will mature enough as a writer and a human being, and then maybe I will be the right candidate to narrate her story. She acts like she understands. And she lets me sleep. But I know she’ll come again tomorrow.

Sometimes, I feel Radha is not my brainchild. Like she really did exist somewhere amidst this bedlam. And her story is true. And she wants it be told for a purpose. Justice? I remain ignorant. I am just a storyteller and I will do my job... tomorrow, with all honesty!!!

The Women

The Wife.

It's been a week since she had last shampooed her hair. Her eyebrows need to be threaded and it was more than two years ago that she had last visited the parlor for a bikini-wax. But these are last on her mind as she goes about checking the doors and windows for the night and making sure that all the lights are turned off. Soaking some Rajma for breakfast, she makes a mental note as to what she would prepare her two kids for lunch. She heads for her bedroom and along her way she gives one last look at the kids' bedroom and adjusts the timer on the AC. Her husband is already in the bed watching football on the TV. She stops short in her steps to ask him if they are going for the movie the next day, like they usually do on Saturdays, but decided against it as he was much too engrossed in the game and barely noticed her enter the room. She heads straight to the bathroom instead and looks at herself in the mirror. Two pregnancies had taken their toll on her body. She removes her bun and lets her hair fall loose but thinks she looks disastrous with all that greasy hair. She had been looking forward to this Saturday, like all other Saturdays before this when her husband customarily takes the family out for dinner. And it is on these days that she does essentially take care of how she looks, of what she's become, after 5 years of being a house-wife. She hurriedly pulls a rubber-band on her hair, without caring to brush it, and heads back into the bedroom and gets into the bed, alongside her husband. She gives me one last look, smirks, asks me to sleep early and dozes off. I discern fine crow’s feet at the corner of her eyes as she smiled, her hands have the faint smell of ginger-garlic from the kitchen, her body isn't toned anymore and there are strands of gray in her once beautiful thick black hair. She does not feel beautiful. But she is... She is beautiful, the Friday kind of way...


The Friend.

She's been drinking all night. Actually since the evening. In all probability a routine for the last two days. Break-ups are thorny situations. She gets up and stumbles her way to the fridge to fetch another bottle of wine. She comes back, lights a cigarette, takes a long drag at it and declares that she had his baby aborted, twice and that she feels repulsed having trusted this swine of a man who turned out to be a cheater. She also states that she had rebound sex with a common friend she met at the club the previous night and this had only made her feel worse. She hates what she's becoming. And all she wants right now is to go back home and cut off from the rest of the world. She's in a wreck. She pulls her friend at his collar and asks him what she's done to deserve this. Asking her to calm down he gives her a tight hug and then she breaks down, crying, for the first time. I hold on to her till she falls asleep and then gently lay her down on the couch and cover her with my shawl. Her perfume has been subdued by the stench of alcohol. Her kohl has smudged around her puffy eyes and her hair is messed in knots. The stockings she wore is torn at places, probably when she stumbled. She does not feel beautiful. But she is... She is beautiful, the Saturday kind of way...


The Girl-friend.

It's 10 am and she's just gotten up from bed, an hour after actually waking up from sleep and browsing on her mobile phone until its battery went dry. It is four hours later than she routinely does on weekdays. But today, she's in no hurry. Not in a hurry to even brush her teeth. Tying her hair in a loose pony-tail she heads to the balcony, ritually pushing the windows ajar and tucking the curtains at the sides of the window pane along her way. She lets the sun soak in and warm her body. It is a good feeling even though she can hardly keep her eyes open against the sudden brightness. She gives in and stands there resting her back against the railing with her eyes shut. After a while she turns around to face the sun, slowly running her hand over her chest to let the now-warm bobbled and over-sized sweatshirt pass on the warmth to her bra-less chest. Through the corner of her eye she squints at her nails. The nail-paint is chipping at places and needs a re-application. Meanwhile, she also tests her nails by pressing them against her thumb and concludes that she has very weak nails. She lifts her slightly bent head, tucks the loose hair locks from in front of her face to behind her ears and looks at me. Her hair is luster-less, the skin on her face and her lips are dry, she does not smell of any fragrance and her loose clothes do not flatter her body. She does not feel beautiful. But she is... She is beautiful, the Sunday kind of way...

The Escapade

And I woke up after fourteen hours; all sweaty and dehydrated, dry like a bone, to the smell of burnt metal typical of railway stations and with the taste of blood still lingering in my mouth, over-powering the usual pine-mouth I wake up to. Someone had laid their luggage on the foot end of the upper berth I was sleeping, leaving just over four feet space for my six feet body. I felt for the bundle of money in my pant pocket. Surely, a couple of notes must have gotten wet from my sweat, but it didn't matter much. My concern lay on the pen drive which I was wearing as a locket, and it was safe. Just as the cramped upper berth was getting heated up like an oven from the afternoon sun, I decided to get down.

Two women were engaged in an animated conversation while cracking groundnuts out of their shells and littering the whole floor of the compartment with them. What seemed to me like their half-sized husbands, sat cross-legged beside them and nodded occasionally to the women's conversation, whenever looked at for approval. The women looked sisters and were dressed alike in what appeared to be salwar suits made when they were slimmer and which squeezed on their full bosoms so hard that a major part was left bulging, ready to pop out any moment.

Their conversation stopped midway as they saw me make a slow and stiff-bodied descend from my berth. All this time they were totally unaware of my presence as I lay sleeping above them.
Their scanning gazes looked at the figure who resembled a sahab, was dressed in expensive clothes, although soiled at places and who looked like he's just survived a brawl. Even with that unctuous and sweaty face, his complexion was fairer than their Sarpanch's grand-daughter, a skin-tone every girl wished for herself, every boy wished for their would-be wives and every mother wished for their unborns.

A few moments passed by and they realized I was looking for my shoes. Directing each other in hushed tones, all of them got engaged frantically in my search. I finally found them deeply lodged under their seats, filled with groundnut shells. They smiled apologetically as I shook them out.
You know of those railway stations with names you have never heard before? Stations which do not even make it to maps? Where you find only a desolate singular platform with probably no station master? With sometimes maybe only a concrete bench or a water tap? Where beyond the platform wall, all you can see is vast uninhabited land? This was one of them, where the sluggish train currently came to halt.

I stood at the door looking at the signboard to read it's name, syllable-wise. I was clueless as to what the name meant nor in which state or district this particular place was. Some got down to fill their partly crushed and yellowed Bisleri bottles with the water from the tap, the bottles yellowed in various shades from their use over time. After some time, the train jolted, and then slowly, like an old man, started picking up speed.

I took out my phone from my pocket. There was no cellular network. Beside me was a teenage boy standing near the door. His hair was oiled and combed and there he stood with a demeanor that looked smarter than the rest of the crowd. I clicked a few buttons on my mobile and turned towards the boy, "iPhone charger?".

The boy shook his head.

"Buy one", I told him and handed over the phone to him.

And just as the train was about to leave the platform, I got down from it and breathed in the air from the place I'd be calling home... till when, I didn't know!!!

The Beautiful Nothing

There's this girl in my neighborhood, just a couple of houses away. With all the beauty and the airs of a typical Delhi girl. I noticed her a few months back and I know I had kidnapped her attention too. On evenings, she's usually seen outside her house; playing badminton, hanging out with her bunch of friends or plainly taking a stroll on the road while she has an animated conversation on the phone.
I pass by her quite often and there's this exchange of glances and the familiar eye contact every time we're aware of each other's presence.
There's a raised plinth just midway between our houses where people usually sit and do nothing. I'm sitting on this plinth right now and writing this as she's walking to and fro in front of me talking over the phone. She crosses me every time at a hand's reach in her 30 feet lap. This moment right now cannot be better. A beautiful wind is caressing Delhi and the street lamp lit road is filled with fallen leaves from the gigantic jamun tree overshadowing this our small vicinage.
Our eyes meet every time and although our lips do not smile acknowledging each other, our eyes do.
This is a  mamihlapinatapai moment!!!
All it takes me is 10 seconds of courage, but I'll never take the first step and go talk to her. It'll ruin this beautiful nothing...
Today, I like everything of the little I know and see about her. Why risk it?
Maybe I'll never know her name or what she does. Tomorrow we'll move to different places and wouldn't even recognize each other if we happened to cross each other's path later in life.
There's an off-centric beauty in this and I'll never ruin this beautiful nothing...

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Story of Directions

LEFT
To my left, distant in the visible range, I can see a bathroom, on the terrace of another building, unattached to the main household. You can never tell the season when you observe the lady who ritually washes her clothes, with the door ajar, at 4:30 in the morning. Even in the necrotic cold of Delhi winters, she'd wash her clothes with equal vigor as she'd do in summers; maybe calling it a day after her graveyard shift in a BPO or maybe beginning her day to a long commute to her workplace somewhere in the NCR, who knows...
Adjacent to her building is a nondescript wall of another with but one small window. The window is fitted with a desert-cooler in summers, and left open for the little post afternoon sun rays in winters. The dwellers of this house have mysteriously eluded my notice through all these years. And this has led me to very blandly name it 'the mysterious house', for my references, correctly maybe, who knows...
Closer, I can see the terrace of a haunted building strewn with fallen kites, some new and vivid while some are just cognizable remnants of the glorious celestial past that they once had, and dying with them are the tales of the wonderful things and the dark secrets they'd seen through peoples' windows during their short flights up high. No kite runner ever dared to get these fallen kites back which'd fallen here to meet their destiny of never flying again. I call it the "kite's graveyard" lending inspiration from its namesake for elephants in Africa. Well, the house must be haunted because it is very unnatural for such a big property in the heart of the city to remain uninhabited. When I asked locals about it, I just got a "Pata nahi" for an answer. Probably a family dispute or maybe even a crime scene to a cold blooded murder, who knows...
BEHIND
Just behind me is another terrace, at a lower level, where I can see a young lady talk incessantly to her boyfriend way into the late night and early mornings. Her huge German shepherd keeps her company and barks at any unknown face craning their heads out to catch a glimpse of the pretty girl. But of late, she's stopped talking on the terrace anymore. Maybe she's broken up or maybe she's outgrown the love there was, who knows...
On the other hand, straight across the pretty girl's terrace, I can see the bedroom of another building where there's another girl, with hair so long that it ends way below her waist. She mustn't be more than 18 or 19 years old but one might be led to think otherwise what with her full-grown breasts and ample hips. She, on the other hand, has, of late, started spending too much time over the phone. Maybe a budding puppy love or maybe scholastic discussions, who knows...
RIGHT
There's nothing to my right, except for the rough and unplastered wall of a building taller than me. Sometimes a cigarette butt and at other times empty chips packets thrown from its terrace at me make me know that life exists there.
FRONT
Just in front of me, slightly towards the right, I can see two daughters-in-law of a single family. I'd heard that both of them, even years after getting married could not give their parents-in-law a grandchild. The father-in-law went to some temple and promised a goat as sacrifice if he could become a grandfather. And within a year, both the wives became mothers. The now grandfather kept his promise and sacrificed a black goat and distributed its meat to the whole neighborhood. I'd even heard that this one particular vegetarian family accepted the meat and then sold it to their maid for 200 rupees. And as for the pregnancies, maybe true divine intervention or IVF, who knows...
Right in front of me, there is a middle aged man who lives with his mother, a psychiatric patient on medication. I'd heard that this whole neighborhood belonged to his father. They lived in Canada when he was a child. Once, when he was about 10 years old, his father visited India over some family property dispute. During this visit, he was allegedly poisoned and he succumbed to an untimely death. His mother, grief stricken, lost her mental balance and they'd since then started living here, the only house that was left in their name. I'd also heard that he denied many a marriage proposals during his twenties because he was skeptical how his newly wed wife would react to his mentally ill mother who needed constant care and who he loved dearly. Truly touching act by a son or maybe an unconventional orientation, who knows...
I don't have a nose but if I had and if it were pointy enough to point somewhere, it'd point to this barsaati atop this ochre building. A barsaati is a single room built on a portion of the terrace of a building. This one in question has only one window with a cracked glass held together by duct tape and an ironically sturdy metal door with a big lock. I'd never seen so many dreams emanating from any single place before. Every seldom, sometimes a year and sometimes two, I see a young new face in that room. And I see hard work and sweat in that room. The same dogged perseverance I see even when the room becomes a sweltering 50 degrees in the Delhi summer. And when it's bedtime, I see beautiful dreams of achievement, dreams of success in that room. Many had left this room with their trunk full of books, with disappointment writ large over their faces. But none of the ones who'd left had given up dreaming those dreams. They're still safe in their minds and their hearts. Maybe they were preparing for civil services or for some PG exams, who knows. But as long as they do not give up dreaming, they'll succeed, I know...
Oh, did I not introduce myself? Sorry I don't have a name, but I have a number. I am house no 3282/4...